When kids think about manners, it might conjure up images of adults practicing proper etiquette during a meal or at a social event. But, when it comes to the heart of the matter, manners are really just small, intentional gestures that let people know their presence is desired and appreciated. With this in mind, everyone—no matter how big or small—can (and should) put good manners into play. We cultivate these feelings in our homes by using kind words and polite behaviors to help both children and adults feel recognized and valued.
So, how do parents today help kids not only learn about the importance of good manners but also how to put them into practice? Here are four helpful considerations for families to keep in mind when teaching your little ones about good manners.
Explain Why Manners Matter
Of course, no one is born with perfect etiquette skills—especially not kids under age 5. Even adults must practice polite behavior and awareness of social customs. For example, if you were asked to meet the Queen of England, it’s likely that you would do a fair bit of research and practice before the big day. In the same way, when kids start to become aware of customs around them, they’re encountering them for the first time. Using words and phrases like “please” or “thank you” can feel confusing or unnecessary for little ones. Similarly, being asked to slow down or walk instead of running can be frustrating for children. This is where explaining the rationale behind manners is important. Running is great for playgrounds and backyards, but it can be dangerous on hard, slippery marble flooring. Giving a reason for polite behavior will help kids understand that rules exist for their benefit and safety. These limits will help them feel valued and cared for.
Practicing Table Manners with Preschoolers
Sure, the dinner table after a family meal with infants, toddlers, and preschoolers can sometimes look like a beautiful disaster. But, there are several things you can do to help kids improve their behavior and table manners.
First, let your child know that using manners is also about safety. After all, parents don’t ask their children to eat slower just to torment them. Instead, they’re making sure the child doesn’t choke or inhale the food. Taking time to eat and chew with small bites is not only safer, but also more pleasant for everyone at the table. Introduce good manners as a norm or an expectation. Saying, “We place our napkins on our lap before we begin eating” is a way of including children in mealtime rituals.
Modeling Manners
To encourage polite behavior, modeling is key. Before you plan on modeling, it’s important to take a moment and reflect on your own habits. Be honest with yourself: at some meals, are you scrolling through social media while eating quickly? Kids imitate what they see. Once you’re aware of your own tendencies, start to slowly introduce the language and attitudes you want children to see. Even if it feels forced at first, practice manners with kids by using polite language when you address each other. Simple phrases like, “Please pass the asparagus,” or “Thank you for cooking such a delicious meal!” will introduce gratitude and respect as the norm in your household.
Manners Beyond the Table
Manners don’t just apply to mealtimes. There are opportunities in many daily interactions to model and practice manners. Greeting others politely, saying please and thank you, and putting things away after you use them are just a few healthy habits to begin practicing with kids.
To some parents, these etiquette habits may feel outdated, but they’re actually quite relevant. Teaching kids polite and patient ways to interact with others will enhance their social capital with their peers. They’ll find it easier to make and keep friends when they act with kindness and compassion toward others. Grabbing, pushing, or demanding aren’t enjoyable for others to interact with. By arming your children with these tools, you’ll make their social transitions so much easier.
Making Manners Matter at The Gardner School
The Gardner School uses a variety of learning tools, including serving meals family style, to help children learn and practice healthy behavior. Eating together can help children learn to pause and enjoy sharing food, conversation, and space with the ones they love. With a healthy mix of structured enrichment courses and free play, we give children the guidance they need to start learning as soon as they’re ready. To learn more about the advantages of an academic preschool, visit our website or schedule a tour today.